Kenosis-

Kenosis is the Greek term for emptying. Have you ever prayed to be emptied of
yourself? When it happens, it hurts pretty bad. This past week, God has been faithful in emptying me and
revealing the deceitfulness in my heart. I'm still trying to process everything
and holding onto God's promises even though things don't make sense at the
moment. 

 It started last week
when the team was on Spring Break. I was the only leader to stay here with 6
participants while the rest of the team traveled around. It was a sweet week. We each had lots of
time alone with God and then would come together in the evenings to discuss
Hebrews and pray with each other. I
felt closer to God that week than I have in a while. On Friday, we hiked Execution Rock, this giant mountain where
they used to walk witches and criminals up and make them plummet to their
death. Despite it's awful history, it was beautiful scenery and we had so much
fun, even with a chest infection that practically killed me! That evening as I
was resting from the hike, a man walked into the house claiming he wanted "just
one sexy girl." After trying to steal our shoes and being chased out a few
times, we thought we had seen the last of him. That night, I awoke to him watching me sleep outside my glass balcony
door. Ironically, I was not afraid but went into protection mode thinking I
would not let anyone hurt this team.  
We chased him out again and 10 minutes later, he jumped back over the
gate, this time in full view of us. After watching him in the bushes for a
while, he shouts, "Why are you staring at me?" and jumps back over the
gate. This guy obviously was not all
there to ask a question like that as he is breaking into our yard. Blair, the
one guy here, and I stayed up all night on the balcony to keep watch and
thankfully the man did not try to come back. 

The next day, a different man that was here the night before
mugged our girls. Thankfully, again, no one was hurt. This is something that can happen anywhere, even in the safest
town in America. That afternoon, I realized how much I was trying to lean on my
own strength and comfort instead of on God's. I did not have the words to comfort the girls and felt responsible. I realized I could not protect them, at
least not on my own. God broke me and
humbled me and reminded me He had everything under control. God kept telling me to allow Him to be God
and stop trying to do things on my own. I was grateful for the realization and have been forced into a new kind
of dependency on the Lord; one where I can do nothing without Him. I was
emptied of my strength and abilities. Kenosis begins its work. (For
those of you at home who are worried by this story, don't be. We now have full time security in place at
the house and have taken more precautions and God is our Protector and Refuge.)

Then this week, the rest of the team came back and since
then it's been one thing after another. One participant wanted to go home, one
had to be rushed to the clinic, and so on. Saturday, Matt, our guy leader, took our van into the shop for some
repairs and while he was waiting, he went to the waterfall. Being a boy...he
decided to jump off the 60ft. cliff into the water. He landed right on his back
and long story short, he now has a fractured spine. Praise God he is not
paralyzed because it could have been a lot worse! The local clinic told him he
would be fine if he just rested. The next day however, we took him down to
South Africa for a second opinion and sure enough, he has to have immediate
surgery. The best option was to send
him home in a brace to have surgery there because it's going to be 6 weeks of
bed rest and physical therapy. Today,
we said goodbye to our beloved brother and co-leader. I'm grateful for God's protection in the situation but it's just
really hard. The other two leaders and
I are drained and honestly I don't know how much more we have in us. Our strength has to come from the Lord and
we have to hold onto His promises right now. That really is the beauty of the situation. We have been emptied and we
are right where God wants us. Now, as we lay ourselves aside God can actually
get a chance to perform the miraculous signs and wonders He wants to do in this
team and through the team in Swaziland. I don't know what the rest of this trip will look like but as the
process of kenosis continues, God will continue to shine. His ways are not our ways and His thoughts
are not our thoughts. He alone is God
and He alone is good. 

So... as far as prayer right now, pray that we will seek God
more and not become bitter or shutdown. Pray for authenticity and that this
will bring a spirit of realness amongst the team. Pray for our hearts to be comforted and to see God's bigger
picture. Pray that He will equip us as
leaders for this team. Pray that through our mourning and weaknesses, the Great
Comforter will speak to our hearts. Pray for strength and courage to press on. Pray for more kenosis of ourselves, even though it is usually
accompanied with pain.

 " I consider that
our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be
revealed in us!"- Romans 8:18

Kenosis is the Greek term for emptying.  Have you ever prayed to be emptied of
yourself? When it happens, it hurts pretty bad.  This past week, God has been faithful in emptying me and
revealing the deceitfulness in my heart. I'm still trying to process everything
and holding onto God's promises even though things don't make sense at the
moment. 

 It started last week
when the team was on Spring Break. I was the only leader to stay here with 6
participants while the rest of the team traveled around.  It was a sweet week. We each had lots of
time alone with God and then would come together in the evenings to discuss
Hebrews and pray with each other.  I
felt closer to God that week than I have in a while.  On Friday, we hiked Execution Rock, this giant mountain where
they used to walk witches and criminals up and make them plummet to their
death. Despite it's awful history, it was beautiful scenery and we had so much
fun, even with a chest infection that practically killed me! That evening as I
was resting from the hike, a man walked into the house claiming he wanted "just
one sexy girl." After trying to steal our shoes and being chased out a few
times, we thought we had seen the last of him. 
That night, I awoke to him watching me sleep outside my glass balcony
door. Ironically, I was not afraid but went into protection mode thinking I
would not let anyone hurt this team.  
We chased him out again and 10 minutes later, he jumped back over the
gate, this time in full view of us. After watching him in the bushes for a
while, he shouts, "Why are you staring at me?" and jumps back over the
gate.  This guy obviously was not all
there to ask a question like that as he is breaking into our yard. Blair, the
one guy here, and I stayed up all night on the balcony to keep watch and
thankfully the man did not try to come back. 

The next day, a different man that was here the night before
mugged our girls. Thankfully, again, no one was hurt.  This is something that can happen anywhere, even in the safest
town in America. That afternoon, I realized how much I was trying to lean on my
own strength and comfort instead of on God's. 
I did not have the words to comfort the girls and felt responsible.  I realized I could not protect them, at
least not on my own.  God broke me and
humbled me and reminded me He had everything under control.  God kept telling me to allow Him to be God
and stop trying to do things on my own. 
I was grateful for the realization and have been forced into a new kind
of dependency on the Lord; one where I can do nothing without Him. I was
emptied of my strength and abilities. 
Kenosis begins its work.  (For
those of you at home who are worried by this story, don't be.  We now have full time security in place at
the house and have taken more precautions and God is our Protector and Refuge.)

Then this week, the rest of the team came back and since
then it's been one thing after another. One participant wanted to go home, one
had to be rushed to the clinic, and so on. 
Saturday, Matt, our guy leader, took our van into the shop for some
repairs and while he was waiting, he went to the waterfall. Being a boy...he
decided to jump off the 60ft. cliff into the water. He landed right on his back
and long story short, he now has a fractured spine. Praise God he is not
paralyzed because it could have been a lot worse! The local clinic told him he
would be fine if he just rested. The next day however, we took him down to
South Africa for a second opinion and sure enough, he has to have immediate
surgery.  The best option was to send
him home in a brace to have surgery there because it's going to be 6 weeks of
bed rest and physical therapy.  Today,
we said goodbye to our beloved brother and co-leader.  I'm grateful for God's protection in the situation but it's just
really hard.  The other two leaders and
I are drained and honestly I don't know how much more we have in us.  Our strength has to come from the Lord and
we have to hold onto His promises right now. 
That really is the beauty of the situation. We have been emptied and we
are right where God wants us. Now, as we lay ourselves aside God can actually
get a chance to perform the miraculous signs and wonders He wants to do in this
team and through the team in Swaziland. 
I don't know what the rest of this trip will look like but as the
process of kenosis continues, God will continue to shine.  His ways are not our ways and His thoughts
are not our thoughts.  He alone is God
and He alone is good. 

So... as far as prayer right now, pray that we will seek God
more and not become bitter or shutdown. Pray for authenticity and that this
will bring a spirit of realness amongst the team.  Pray for our hearts to be comforted and to see God's bigger
picture.  Pray that He will equip us as
leaders for this team. Pray that through our mourning and weaknesses, the Great
Comforter will speak to our hearts. 
Pray for strength and courage to press on.  Pray for more kenosis of ourselves, even though it is usually
accompanied with pain.

 " I consider that
our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be
revealed in us!"- Romans 8:18